Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sadly, November has come to an end


But with the end of the month comes some major man candy; and I mean Major. To tell you all the truth, I actually contemplated dedicating December to Jackson Rathbone as well because lets face it, the man is incredibly hot and probably takes up about 95% of my YUM files. Yes, I have a photo file on my netbook entitled 'The YUM Files.' Sue me.

I'm pretty positive that this ^ is the greatest picture.




Yeah, I'm pretty sure that November has been my favorite month. So, who will be next? Any requests? Let me know.



The Art of Redemption: Chapter 7

JPOV

I was pretty fuckin' happy with how my Bella was gettin' along with Peter and Charlotte. Char was actin' like she had found some long lost sister and the thought that someday they would be sisters brought a smile to my face. Peter and I were sittin' watchin' the girls. They were currently paintin' their nails and watching some chick flick. I was glad that Char was able to bond with Bella. Poor girl could use another woman around here. She could also use a friend. Unfortunately, Alice and Char never got along as I had originally hoped. Alice was just too darn pushy on the fashion scene and that wasn't Char.

"So Bella, any men in your life?"

"Just my roommate, Drew. He's the one that used to work the bar with me when we worked at Vamped."

"That cute blonde guy with short hair?"

"Yeah, that would be him."

"That all ya gonna give me Sug?"

"There's really not much to give Char. He's my best friend; we met at Vamped a few years ago. He was a little down on his luck and needed a place to stay. I had room and we've been living together ever since. He's been there for me through some pretty ugly times."

I cringed when I thought of another man comforting my Bella; even if the man was her gay best friend. "Easy Major," Peter whispered, "you're startin' to project."

"He sounds like a good friend," Char said somewhat sadly.

"He's the best. We're actually having a girls-day shopping trip tomorrow before he goes back to Maine for Thanksgiving. You're welcome to come with us if you'd like. It's supposed to be cloudy so that won't be an issue."

Char smiled brightly, venom tears welling in her eyes that would never fall. "Really?"

Bella leaned over and hugged Char tightly. "Of course you can! Besides, you could really use some time away from Dumb and Dumber."

"Thank you," Char whispered quietly in Bella's ear.

"I owe your girl," Peter whispered, low enough so only I could hear it.

"Anytime Char. Just come on over to my apartment tomorrow morning around 10am. Jasper can give you directions," she said, smiling in my direction. I returned her smile with a lazy grin of my own.

Bella had mentioned earlier that she had to get home early so she could make dinner for her and Drew since he was essentially useless in the kitchen. "He could burn a salad," she had said. At least I wasn't the only man in her life that's useless in a kitchen.

Peter stood up and took Bella into his arms. "You're comin' back aren't ya Kitten?" he asked, spinning her around. Bella giggled and I suppressed a growl. He was pushin' his luck.

"Petey, you couldn't keep me away!"

"That's my girl."

Three things happened after that. One, Peter grabbed onto Bella's ass and squeezed. Again. Two, Peter brought his filthy lips to my mate's lips in a chaste kiss before setting her on the ground. And three, the Major pounced.

In the blink of an eye, I had Peter pinned to the wall with one of my hands around his neck. I could feel Bella's fear for Peter and reveled in it; her fear feeding the monster within.

"Jasper let him go!" Bella screamed and he roared again.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? Touchin' my mate? Keep your hands off of what don't belong to you! She is MINE!" I roared and Peter smirked. I could still feel Bella's terror but it was masked by a shit storm of anger.

"Jasper Whitlock, let go of Peter or so help me…" Bella said authoritatively. I didn't relent. This fucker would have to learn. He can't go around kissin' my girl and get away with that shit. "I said let him go. NOW!" she roared. I could feel her eyes on me. My grip on Peter's neck loosened as I let him go.

When I turned around, I was met with the beautiful sight of Bella's fury. She was giving me a fierce, fiery glare and, if looks could kill, I would be nothing but a smolderin' pile of ash at her feet. Her jaw clenched and unclenched as she continued to stare icily at me. Her eyes were getting darker and darker with each passing second as her anger unfolded.

"Thanks Kitten," Peter said quietly to Bella. She looked at him and her expression softened as she smiled at him. Then it went right back to scowling when she looked back at me. She pinched the bridge of her nose – something she picked up from Edward – before speaking.

"You're no different than Edward is. Well newsflash, I don't fucking belong to anyone!"

"Isabella…" I started, but she cut me off.

"I don't want to fucking hear it. I'm out of here… and don't even fucking think about following me or I'll make sure you see some shit you obviously don't want to see," she said, spinning on her heel and running towards the door.

Big fuckin' mistake. You don't run away from the Major. He didn't like it. "Isabella!"

"Fuck you!"

I was in front of her in a heartbeat and had her up against the wall, with one hand on each side of her. Peter and Charlotte weren't far behind me. "Where do you think you're goin' Little Girl?"

Her eyes narrowed. But she said nothing.

"You'd do well to answer me," I said, nuzzling her neck. I could feel her resolve starting to waver.

"Fuck you."

"That could be arranged."

"Go to hell."

"Isabella…" she was still angry, but lust was starting to take over. Then it went right back to anger.

"If you think you scare me, you're more delusional than I thought," she said calmly. I checked her emotions and there was anger, a ton of anger, and lust. But there wasn't an ounce of fear to be felt. "Let me go Jasper. NOW!" I reluctantly took a step back and she scooted around me and out the door.

I looked at Peter and Char, not sure what to do. Peter looked over at Charlotte and nodded his head in the direction of the door.

"Wait for me Sug!" she yelled before running to catch up with Bella.

"I fucked that up didn't I?" I asked Peter, turning to look at him.

"Yup."

BPOV

How dare he? I don't fucking belong to him! I don't fucking belong to anyone! He really was no better than Doucheward. Always telling me what to do, when to do it; always protecting me from the big scary world around me like I was made of glass. Always thinking I was his. Now Jasper was doing the same exact fucking thing.

To say I was pissed would be the understatement of the century.

But I was also a little turned on because let's face it… seeing him all badass was a huge turn on. Even if I didn't like the possessiveness.

"If you grip that steering wheel any harder, it's gonna snap in half Sug."

Charlotte was right; this poor little steering wheel was going to snap. So, I lessened my hold.

"If you didn't have a heartbeat, I would mistake ya for one of us," she said with a light hearted chuckle. I chuckled too.

"Don't underestimate the power of a pissed off woman."

"He can't help it Bella," Char said softly. I didn't say anything, I just kept driving.

The rest of the drive was extremely quiet and it seemed like forever until I was pulling into the parking lot of my apartment building. I parked in my normal spot right next to Drew's Mustang. "Looks like my roommate is already home," I said, turning off and exiting the car. Charlotte followed me up to my apartment.

I opened the door and was met with a very upset looking roommate. "Lucy! You got some 'splainin' to do!"

"But Ricky!"

"Seriously B, you didn't even leave a note. I come home with no roomie to be found!" he exclaimed exasperatedly before pulling me into a tight bear hug.

"Sorry D, I went to Jasper's today. Speaking of which, this is Charlotte," I said, pointing to the petite blonde bombshell behind me. "I've invited her to go with us tomorrow."

Drew surprised me when he brought Charlotte into a hug, not flinching when he felt the coldness or the hardness of her body. Charlotte stiffened slightly, caught off guard by the unusual reaction, before hugging him back. "What the hell is in the water around here? Baby B, when were you gonna tell me you up and started hanging out the pretty people?" he asked as he let go of Charlotte. That sly dog was trying to charm the pants off of her.

So what did Charlotte do? She fucking giggled. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "It was gonna be my dirty little secret D. Ya caught me," I said, smirking.

Charlotte had helped me make dinner. Well, she helped as much as she could considering she had no clue what she was doing. Once dinner was made, Charlotte 'left' saying she had to go make dinner for her hubby.

After we finished eating dinner, watching a movie, and saying goodnight to each other, I got the shock of my life when I walked into my bedroom and Charlotte was sitting on the bed reading my copy of The Killer Angels.

"Gah! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Oh you ain't even close to havin' a heart attack Sug. Trust me."

I laughed. "Not that I'm complaining but why are you still here? I thought you went home."

She set the book down and patted the spot beside her on the bed. "I think we need to talk about what happened at the house earlier."

I sighed. "Can I at least change first?"

"Of course," she said, smiling softly.

I went to my dresser and grabbed a white cotton v-neck tee, white cotton panties and a blue pair of cotton pajama pants. I made my way to the bathroom and changed quickly into my pajamas. Okay, maybe I wasn't that quick because I'm ninety per cent positive I heard the tea kettle whistle.

When I got back into my room, Charlotte was still sitting on my bed. Only this time, she was holding a steaming cup of what I assumed, by the heavenly smell, was hot cocoa.

"I thought you could use some. While it smells revolting, I hear it's very comforting," she said with no trace of her southern accent to be heard. I could only assume that shit was about to get serious.

I sat next to her and took the hot mug. "Thank you," I said quietly before taking a sip of the chocolaty liquid. "My mom used to make me hot cocoa when I was stressed out about something," I said with a small smile.

Charlotte smiled too. "You miss them." It was more a statement than a question.

"Did Jasper tell you?"

"No. He didn't have to. It's how you act when you mention them; and the mementos you keep. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that one of those guitars over there used to belong to your father. If I had to guess, I'd say it's the older one," she said, pointing to the two guitars standing in the corner of my room.

"Yeah. He taught me to play when I was like four. I haven't played since… "

"What happened, Bella?" Charlotte asked softly, placing a reassuring hand on my knee. I knew what she was doing; she was getting me to trust her so I would talk. And it was working. It was working like a charm.

"Her name is Victoria and she won't stop killing the people I love until I'm dead." Charlotte gasped at the mention of Victoria's name. I could only assume that Jasper had told them about James and the crazy bitch. "The Cullens and I first met her when her coven interrupted a baseball game. James caught my scent and immediately wanted me. The Cullens protected me, of course, and tried going after him. Jasper and Alice took me to Phoenix to get me out of Forks but James had figured it out. He had me convinced that my mom had come home early and that he had her."

"You went to save her."

"I thought that if I surrendered myself, he would let my mom go. When I got to the ballet studio, he was there and my mom was nowhere to be seen. I realized it was a trap. He tortured me, broke a few bones… bit me," I traced the crescent shaped mark on my wrist that was colder than the rest of my body; "it was then that Edward finally arrived. He slammed him around a little before the others showed up. The venom from the bite was already trying to spread but Edward sucked it out to stop the change while Jasper, Emmett, and Alice took care of James… at least that's what I was told happened. Ever since then, Victoria has been hell bent on making me suffer to punish Edward. A mate for a mate she had said."

"How did you get away from Jasper and Alice?"

"We were at the airport, an airport that I knew all too well. Jasper walked me to a bathroom and waited outside. What he didn't know was that the bathroom I went to had a secondary door. I made a split second decision and ran. When I got outside, I handed a taxi driver a wad of cash and I got to my house first before going to the ballet studio. Jasper never even knew I was gone until I didn't come out."

I had always wondered how Alice didn't see that; or if she had seen it and chose not to do anything about it. But it wasn't important now.

"That's brilliant," she chuckled.

"Just to let you know, Drew has no clue about this next part so please don't bring it up. The day my ex boyfriend, Jake, proposed, Victoria murdered Charlie. We were coming back from the beach to tell Charlie about our engagement. He had always been a 'team Jacob' person and wanted nothing more than for me to marry him and would have been ecstatic by the news. Well, it turns out she was waiting for me but ran into Charlie at the house instead since I wasn't there. When I got home, Charlie was already near death. Jake couldn't phase or anything because Charlie and I would have both been hurt in the small space. Charlie told Jake to get me the hell out of there and to take care of me and that's what Jake did. "

"What do you mean Jake couldn't phase?"

"He was a shape shifter. He calls it a werewolf but he's no werewolf, he just phases into a giant vampire killing wolf."

"You certainly are a danger magnet aren't you?"

"I've been told that a time or two, yes."

"Sorry, I keep interruptin'. Go on," she urged softly.

"Three weeks later, my mom and stepdad were killed in the exact same manner. They had every single bone in their body broken before they were drained of all the blood. I pretty much lost it after that. I was so angry at Jake… I blamed him for everything. Had he just let Victoria kill me, my parents would still be alive! He should have just given her what she wanted! But no, he was selfish and had to save me! I hated him for it… I hated him with every fiber of my being. I hated him more than I hated Edward… and so I broke his heart. I flat out told him I hated him and wanted nothing to do with him; that I would rather die a thousand deaths than become his wife. I left that day and never looked back." I could feel the tears roll down my face; hot against the skin of my cheeks.

Charlotte scooped me up into a hug and I couldn't help but breathe in her scent; it was a comforting blend of citrus and spice. I pulled away when I was finished crying. "I've been crying too much today!" I exclaimed exasperatedly.

"It's good to cry… especially since you won't be able to someday." Charlotte stiffened immediately after she said that.

"What did you just say?"

"I meant that… well shit. Bella, honey, you're meant to be one of us. You're meant to be with Jasper."

I shook my head 'no'. I knew I was falling in love with him… but that didn't mean jack diddly. I was in love with Edward too and look how that turned out.

"Yes, sugar, you are."

"This has to do with earlier. He called me his mate."

"That's because you are."

"Alice is his mate, just like Edward is mine," I said, still shaking my head.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt Swan.

"No, Sweetheart. From the moment you were born, you belonged to Jasper Whitlock, even if you two didn't know it. You've always felt it. That pull towards him… that feeling of comfort when he's around… that feeling that you were safe no matter what. You felt that pull, that's why you came to Forks instead of going to Jacksonville. You felt it at your eighteenth birthday; deep down, you knew he would never hurt you. You may have loved Edward, and even Jake, but you never felt complete. There was always a void that couldn't be filled, wasn't there?"

I slowly, hesitantly nodded my head. What she had just said was the truth; I had felt all of that and more. I still didn't like that 'belong' shit though. Bella Swan belongs to no one. "You said earlier that he couldn't help it. What did you mean by that?"

"He can't help how he acts. It's in his nature to fight anyone off that touches you. We're possessive, selfish creatures; he was doing what instinct told him to. If you weren't mated, that would have never happened. His instinct told him to kill Peter for kissing you and he would have, if it wasn't for you. And for that, I have to thank you."

I smiled at her. "I like Peter too much to let him die," I explained with a light hearted laugh. "So, let me get this straight. Jasper and I are… mates. I belong to him just as much as he belongs to me." I cringed when I said that last part. That would take some getting used to.

Charlotte nodded.

"So there's no playing the field anymore?"

Charlotte laughed jovially. "Not if you want your partner to live."

"Well that kind of… sucks. No pun intended."

"I assure you Bella; you won't be disappointed with Jasper. He's a good lover. And he'll bend to your every will and give in to your every desire."

"I don't think I want to know how you know that."

"Oh come on Sug, we're both grown women here. Besides, I've never really had a sister to talk to about that kind of stuff with," she said with a warm smile.

"That kind of brings me to another point. You said I would be like you someday."

Charlotte sighed. "Jasper would never force it on you but yes, you'll be one of us one day."

I still didn't know how I felt about that. Sure, at one point I wanted it but that was before a vampire destroyed my family. "How do you know?"

"Peter said it was true."

"So what, is Peter psychic… like Alice?"

"No, he's not psychic. But he get's these feelings; kind of like a sixth sense almost. He's never been wrong yet so I trust him. So does Jasper."

"Oh."

"You don't seem too enthused about that."

"I… don't know. It's just a lot to take in I guess. I mean yesterday, I was just a normal girl with a crush on her friend and today, I find out I'm mated with said friend and am supposed to become a vampire. What's gonna happen tomorrow, am I going to find out that Santa Claus and the Boogeyman exist?"

We both laughed. It felt so good to get everything out there. It felt good to have someone to talk to. It felt good to have a sister.

"Well, Peter does have his theories, but he won't tell me. One thing I can tell you is that you can come to me for anything Bella; I already consider you my sister. So does Peter and our house is always open to you anytime you need to talk, it's not like we sleep," she laughed again before pulling me in for another hug. "Now, I need to be gettin' back to my husband and your man is right downstairs. Should I send him up?" she asked, pulling back from our hug.

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Before I go, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How come you weren't afraid of him?"

I knew what she was talking about. She was talking about what happened earlier at her house with Jasper. "If I had shown fear, he would have won. I don't like losing."

"Peter was right, he's gonna have his hands full with you Sug."

And with that, she was scooting out the door to the balcony. A second later, my blonde cowboy was coming through the French door.

"Hi," I said shyly, trying with all my might to not look at him. It wasn't working though. At all.

"Hi yourself," he said, taking slow, tentative steps towards the bed.

"You can come over, I won't bite," I said, smiling softly and patting the spot where Charlotte sat. In a flash, he was sitting beside me. "I'm sorry," I said, leaning over and placing a light kiss on his cheek.

"I should be apologizin' to you Darlin'. Not the other way around."

"No, you were doing what came naturally and I over-reacted," I said, leaning up against him and resting my head on his shoulder.

"I don't exactly know whats goin' on and what I'm feelin' but I understand it a little more now."

"Me too; Charlotte explained it a little. I'm still a little confused but with time I'm sure I'll understand it. I mean, some of it definitely makes sense."

"You're overwhelmed."

"Well, yeah. I mean this whole time I thought Edward was my mate and Alice was yours and then I run into you and find out everything I ever thought or believed was wrong. And then you go all possessive caveman on me."

"I know. This is new for me too Darlin'. But I feel it… that pain in my chest when we're not close to each other. Just like I feel that imaginary rubber band tryin' to force us back together."

I couldn't help but smile as the tears fell down my cheeks because he felt it too.

I was sick of crying! I cried all damn day long!

"Hey," he said softly. I looked at him through tear stained eyes. "Come here," he said softly again, pulling my body into his side. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.

"This changes things, Jasper," I whispered.

"It doesn't have to. I care about you, Bella, and I don't want to lose what we have. I can't lose you."

I pulled back and looked into his red eyes. His eyes were soft and spoke the words he couldn't say yet. They were full of compassion and dare I say it… love? "Really?"

"Really." He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on the tip of my nose. As chaste and innocent as it was, the gesture was surprisingly intimate. I closed my eyes briefly and reveled in the warm tingly sensation that was surging through me; a sensation that only followed Jasper's touch.

When I opened my eyes, I was met with a pair piercing eyes that were burning with such a fierce passion; beckoning me closer. I looked down to his lips and found myself subconsciously inching closer. That's when I noticed Jasper doing the same. I knew I was treading in very dangerous, shark infested waters. But I couldn't help it; the danger was enticing and the ability to control the predator was a powerful thing.

"Bella," I heard him whisper before he closed the few inches between us and gently brought his lips to mine.

Our lips slowly moved together in perfect synchronization. I felt his tongue jut out of his mouth and lightly trace my bottom lip. I parted my lips and his tongue slowly entered my mouth. Our tongues twisted and twirled against each other in a perfect, sensually slow tango. He led and I followed.

This kiss was slow and gentle, but full of immense, raw passion at the same time. This kiss was perfect. One of Jasper's hands moved behind my body and rested on the small of my back. He gently leaned me backward and I scooted my butt down so my back was on the bed and my head was resting on the pillow. His torso hovered over me and he kept his legs to the side of mine, resting against my own.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes, silently asking permission to continue. At that moment, when chocolate met crimson, the world stopped and everything in it, besides us, ceased to exist. I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and contemplated the situation for a split second before slowly, and hesitantly, nodding my head.

Jasper smiled gently before placing a sweet kiss on my lips. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," I said shakily. He heard the distress in my voice and I'm sure he could feel my apprehension.

"Bella, we don't have to do anything. Either way, nothing will change between us," he said; his voice firm, but soft at the same time.

"No, Jasper. I want this… I want you," I said with a new wave of determination.

He was obviously satisfied with the answer since he didn't hesitate in bringing his lips back to mine. Before either one of us could deepen the kiss, Jasper broke it; only to move onto my neck. His mouth moved down my chin and neck, stopping right at the crook. His lips slightly parted as he placed a single open-mouthed kiss there, before sucking lightly on the skin. He proceeded to pepper my neck with kisses and continued to my collarbone, nipping and sucking along the way.

His left hand moved sensually up my sheet and pajama clad side before coming up to cup my breast. "You're wearin' too many clothes, Darlin'. We need to reconcile the situation," he drawled and I'm pretty sure I melted into a pile of goo.

He reconciled that situation alright. Before I could protest, my clothes were ripped off and lying in a pile beside my bed. All that was left was a pair of plain cotton panties. Those too quickly joined the growing pile of garments on the floor.

That's certainly a first. And hot as fuck.

I was naked before Jasper and suddenly extremely nervous. I tried covering myself up with my hands, but Jasper was having none of it.

"You're beautiful, Bella. Please, let me see you," he said, placing another chaste kiss on my lips. He brought his hand up to my face and traced my cheek softly with one finger, before cupping my cheek. "Please?" he whispered. I melted under his touch and intense gaze and instantly relaxed. I nervously removed my hands, never taking my eyes off of Jasper. Jasper brought his mouth to my exposed neck and placed a gentle kiss on my jugular.

"So beautiful," he murmured against my throat. He kissed a trail of open-mouthed kisses from my neck down my collarbone, and finally stopped at the swell of my breasts. He moved his mouth to the right and placed a soft kiss over my heart. He continued to move down before his lips encased one of my nipples, sucking gently. All the while, his hand was carrying out the most delicious torture on the other. Rolling, pinching, and pulling it into a pebble. When he gently bit down, I moaned his name and my head fell backwards onto the pillow.

He moved down my body, leaving a fiery trail of kisses behind. He traveled down, finally stopping at my hipbone where he gently, yet firmly, sucked on the tender flesh. He murmured something against my skin that distinctly sounded like 'mine' but I couldn't care less because I was his. And his alone.

Jasper looked up at me through his long, thick lashes; pleading with his eyes to let him go further. When I didn't protest, he went down further until his mouth was on the inner part of my upper thigh, dangerously close to my overheated center.

"God, Bella, you smell so good. But I'll bet that you taste even better." His words went straight to my girly bits. Before I could do anything, I felt Jasper's cold tongue lick my slit from bottom to top, slightly parting my wet folds. The contrast in temperature was a sweet, sweet welcome. When he reached the top, he swirled his tongue over my sensitive bundle of nerves. I moaned in utter bliss. I whimpered when his tongue left my clit. "Mmm, I was right. You taste better than I could have imagined."

His tongue returned to my clit and my head lulled back to the pillow. I felt him insert one, long, skilled finger into me. His tongue lapped at my swollen bud as his finger thrust in and out and my orgasm began to build.

"Mmm…Jasper…" I moaned. I wanted more. No, I needed more.

He removed his finger and I pouted at the loss. He lifted his head, only to murmur, "Patience, Darlin'. I promise it'll be worth it," before thrusting two fingers inside of me. He continued his ministrations as he nibbled, sucked, and flicked my clit. I was speaking incoherently, with the exception of a few recognizable 'gods' and 'fucks,' while moaning and writhing beneath him.

When he softly bit my clit and curled his fingers upward, hitting that sweet spot, my legs began shaking. I arched my back and my breathing became erratic as I came; hard. Screaming and chanting Jasper's name as I rode out wave after delicious wave of my orgasm.

When I opened my eyes, Jasper was smirking, hovering above me. "You are stunnin' when you cum." I crashed my lips to his, groaning when I tasted my arousal on his lips. "I told you, you taste good," he said against my lips. I felt his firm erection pressing into my thigh and I wanted it. Badly.

"You're wearin' too many clothes there cowboy."

In the blink of an eye, he was stripped down to nothing and hovering above me once again. Gotta love that vampire speed at a time like this! "God, Bella, I want you so bad."

"Then take me, Jasper. I'm yours."

He didn't hesitate once as he entered me. When he was sheathed inside of me, he groaned loudly.

"You feel so good Darlin'!" He pulled himself back so that only the head of his cock was still inside me before thrusting forward again. He quickly established a slow, steady rhythm to his thrusts, nearly pulling out each time just to slam back into me. He leaned his body down over me, resting on his forearms, and brought his mouth to mine, kissing me deeply as he continued to move.

My breaths were coming heavily, as were his, and our moans were deep and throaty. He nuzzled my neck and brought his tongue to my ear, licking around the rim.

"More… please… God… "

He increased his pace a bit. My fingers came up to his shoulder blades, grasping them tightly as my nails made a futile attempt to dig into his marble skin.

"Fuck Bella! God… that's… shit… fuckin' amazin'… "

I was in love with this feeling, and I wanted… needed… more. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my hands around his neck, bringing him closer to me until our chests were touching and I was straddling his lap and quickly rolled us over so I was on top of him.

"Holy shit… fuck Bella."

I lifted myself off of him and positioned his cock at my entrance then lowered myself onto him, feeling every bit of his glorious cock; inch by glorious inch. He was so much deeper at this angle.

"God, Jas, you feel so fucking incredible." I moved my hips up and down, and back and forth riding him with fervor. I kept my eyes on his and my hands on his pecs for leverage. I rolled my hips and hit my sensitive bundle of nerves on his pelvic bone and moaned with wanton need. His hands found a place on each side of my hips and he continued to bounce me up and down.

He rose up into a sitting position and cupped my face in his hands, pulling me in for a languid kiss. Neither of us rushed. We took our time and enjoyed the feel of each other without any ill thoughts or distractions. We were just Jasper and Bella. It was how it was always meant to be.

He wrapped one arm around my waist while his other hand massaged a breast. He broke our kiss and his mouth latched onto my other nipple to gently suck. I ran my fingers through his hair and moved my hips faster and rode him with purpose. I felt the tip of his tongue flick at my nipple and I closed my eyes and let my head fall back as that familiar tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach spiraled out of control as my orgasm took me.

"Oh, Jasper…ahhh," I moaned out.

"God, Bella, you're so fuckin' beautiful. So… fuckin'… beautiful," he groaned out, punctuating the last three words with a hard thrust. His movements became more erratic before letting out a guttural growl before cumming inside me, his eyes never leaving mine. "Ohfucksogood, baby," he ground out between clenched teeth as the last of his seed spilled out. When he was done, he leaned forward and kissed me gently on my swollen lips.

He crashed back down to the bed, bringing me with him. My head collapsed onto his shoulder. Jasper leaned his down over mine after placing a quick kiss on my forehead, both of us panting, even though one of us didn't need to.

"That was incredible, Bella. I don't think I've ever felt like that before," he said, planting a kiss on the top of my head.

"Me either," I answered honestly.

It didn't take me long to drift off to sleep in Jasper's strong, cold arms.

*~*

So there ya have it folks... the first lemon of the story. What did y'all think? Since I haven't done it on my blog yet... I just wanna give a big 'ol shout out to my fuckawesome beta Jazzella for without her, there would be a shit load of repetitive words and errors. So, from the bottom of my heart, thanks girl!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Monday's Musings

Still cold. Still snowy. And I still keep falling on my ass.

Okay, onto the cowgirl's musings for the week.

  • Plots people. Plots. They are extremely important. I don't know how many stories I have read lately with absolutely no plotline. What the hell is the point of writing if your story has no point? And how, in the name of all that is holy, do those writers have a crapload of reviews?
  • Dear readers, please review. That is all.
  • Lastly, if you cannot drive in the snow: stay the fuck off my roads! I'm so sick of getting stuck behind people who either
    • don't have snow tires on. It's Winter people. Just because we barely got three inches of snow last year does not mean we will have the same this year. Look around you people, its WHITE.
    • can't drive snow! You live in north central Idaho... it snows here. Learn to drive in the snow or move. Seriously.
I swear, people drive me nuts.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Tuesdays Teaser

Since it's Tuesday... y'all know what that mean; you get a sneak peek at chapter 7 of The Art of Redemption. Sorry it's coming so late in the evening though, we had some errands to run in the middle of a snow storm. We currently have about 4 inches and are expected to still get more. Oh boy.

Anywho... here's the Tuesday Teaser of chapter 7! As always, it's unedited so please excuse any mistakes.

***

In the blink of an eye, I had Peter pinned to the wall with one of my hands around his neck. I could feel Bella’s fear for Peter and reveled in it; her fear feeding the monster within.

“Jasper let him go!” Bella screamed and he roared again.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Touchin’ my mate?! Keep your hands off of what don’t belong to you! She is MINE!” I roared and Peter smirked. I could still feel Bella’s terror but it was masked by a shit storm of anger.

“Jasper Whitlock, let go of Peter or so help me…” Bella said authoritatively. I didn’t relent. This fucker would have to learn. He can’t go around kissin’ my girl and get away with that shit. “I said let him go. NOW!” she roared. I could feel her eyes glaring at me. My grip on Peter’s neck loosened as I let him go.
When I turned around, I was met with the beautiful site of Bella’s fury. She was glaring daggers at me and, if looks could kill, I would be nothing but a smoldering pile of ash at her feet. Her jaw clenched and unclenched as she continued to glare at me. Her eyes were getting darker and darker with each passing second.

“Thanks Kitten,” Peter said quietly to Bella. She looked at him and her expression softened as she smiled at him. Then it went right back to scowling when she looked back at me. She pinched the bridge of her nose – something she picked up from Edward – before speaking.

“You’re no different than Edward is. Well newsflash, I don’t fucking belong to anyone!”

“Isabella…” I started, but she cut me off.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it. I’m out of here… and don’t even fucking think about following me or you’re or I’ll make sure you see some shit you obviously don’t want to see,” she said, spinning on her heel and running towards the door.

Big fuckin’ mistake. You don’t run away from the Major. He didn’t like it. “Isabella!”

“Fuck you!”

I was in front of her in a heartbeat and had her up against a wall, with one hand on each side of her. Peter and Charlotte weren’t far behind me. “Where do you think you’re goin’ Little Girl?”

Her eyes narrowed. But she said nothing.

“You’d do well to answer me,” I said, nuzzling her neck. I could feel her resolve starting to waver.

“Fuck you.”

“That could be arranged.”

“Go to hell.”

“Isabella…” she was still angry, but lust was starting to take over. Then it went right back to anger.

“If you think you scare me, you’re more delusional than I thought,” she said calmly. I checked her emotions and there was anger, a ton of anger, and lust. But there wasn’t an ounce of fear to be felt. “Let me go Jasper. NOW!” I reluctantly took a step back and she scooted around me and out the door.

I looked at Pete and Char, not sure what to do. Peter looked over at Charlotte and nodded his head in the direction of the door.

“Wait for me Sug!” she yelled before running to catch up with Bella.

“I fucked that up didn’t I?” I asked Peter, turning to look at him.

“Yup.”

Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday's Musings

Hello everyone!

It's a cold, snowy day out here on the Palouse... got about three inches of snow on the ground. Whoopee! Anyway... I want to start a new segment called Monday's Musings in which I say basically whatever the hell is on my mind. So here goes nothin'.

  • Readers: while I appreciate you guys putting me on your favorites, authors alerts, and story alerts, I would appreciate a review even more. Honestly, I work my butt off to write at least 3000 words for you guys. It would be nice if I could at least get one sentence from you saying 'great chapter' or something, though I would appreciate a more detailed review than that. Reviews are what authors want... not alerts. If every person who put my story on alert reviewed... I'd have well over a hundred reviews.
  • On the same topic of readers: Please, for the love of all that is holy, read the author's notes. They are there for a reason. I had one review (and I'm not complaining) where an anonymous review said it was basically Sassafrass Junction. 1) It says in the chapter 1 a/n, that some aspects were INSPIRED by SJ. 2) The author of SJ is aware of this story and has it on her story alerts. READ people. READ.
  • Writers: If you're going to include lemons in your story, great. But it would actually be helpful if you weren't a VIRGIN (not that there is anything wrong with being a virgin). Don't write about something that you know nothing about. Also, please don't include a lemon in every single chapter or multiple lemons in a chapter. Seriously, I've seen 6-8 chapter stories with fifteen or so lemons already. First, I don't know anybody that has sex every single day... if they do, they may have a problem. Second, you should focus on your plot line first. Nothing upsets me more than seeing a story that is about 10 chapters in with 1000+ reviews that has no plot line. At all. It's just sex overload. It's not fair for those authors who actually deserve that amount of reviews for a well thought out and written plot line.
  • Lastly: It needs to stop snowing. I'm over it.
Well, that's all the musings for now. Until next week everyone!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Art of Redemption: Chapter 6

                                                                The Art of Redemption


                                                                          Chapter 6

PPOV

Jasper was a fuckin' moron. A moron who didn't know what the hell he had, even if it was starin' him right in the face. How could he not see how perfect Kitten was for him? How could he not see that she was his true mate? In all my years, I ain't ever seen the Major take to a human like he had Bella Swan. Hell, I ain't ever seen him take to a human… unless he was eatin' 'em.

But Kitten was different. She would be his rock and not take any of his shit. She would help him reclaim who he was while lettin' the Major shine through. She was just like him too… except she had a pussy. And I knew he could feel the pull to her, he just wouldn't acknowledge it. Yet.

Char and I had known all along that Alice wasn't his mate. The Major's mate would have to be strong and be able to put up with his shit without takin' any of it. Not turn him into some overeager Bambi-munchin' lapdog that would do as he was told, when he was told to do it.

So here I was keys in hand and ready to go talk some sense into him. Just as I was about to open the door, my gorgeous wife wrapped her arms around my body. "Where do ya think you're goin' Sug?" she purred seductively.

He's gonna fuckin' owe me.

God help me, I really didn't want to say this. "The Major needs me Char."

I heard her sigh before she pulled away and I turned to face her. "Make him understand Peter. He's finally found her… don't let him fuck it up and lose her," she said with a smile. She didn't have to say it, but I knew Char was excited to meet her new sister. Even without meeting her, she was attached to her and it was going to be hard to keep her away for much longer. If I was bein' honest, I was pretty sure she already had Kitten's room done.

After a less than chaste kiss with the wifey, I jumped in the Tahoe and was on the way to Kitten's apartment building to straighten out the mess the Major had caused. Or, at least, preventin' said mess from happening.

It didn't take long to get to her apartment building. From what I could tell, she lived in a nice area; it wasn't a cheap building but it suited her and her lifestyle just fine. I parked the Tahoe next to a new black Camaro. When I got out of the truck, I could smell both Jasper and Kitten near the car. I could only assume it was hers.

She's got taste. I'll give her that.

Something told me to go to the back of the building. So that's where I went. My 'gift' had never steered me wrong before so I sure as fuck wasn't gonna question it now. I had always been, even as a human, able to see what others couldn't. Now, I couldn't see the future like the pocket pixie but most of the time… I just knew shit. And it's because of that that I was currently standing below Kitten's balcony trying to sort out this mess and make the Major see the truth.

I leapt up and landed on the balcony that Jasper had been frequenting every night for the last week or so. Inside, I could hear Kitten's steady breathin' and heartbeat indicatin' that she was fast asleep.

"What the fuck do you want?" Jasper hissed from inside the apartment.

"To talk," I said as I jiggled the handle to the French door. The door was unlocked so it opened easily and I stepped through the sheer green curtain and into her room. Her room was clean with just enough disarray to make it have a homey feel to it with framed pictures on every free surface.

Bella's delicate, slightly tropical scent permeated the air. But instead of wanting to drain her dry, I wanted to protect her. Protect her from the evils of the world… protect her from heartache. Jasper snorted.

"That happens a lot around her. That sudden urge to protect her," he said quietly as he looked at the sleeping girl in his arms. He had his right arm around her body while she was snuggled against his body, her arms clinging to him for dear life. She fit against him perfectly. I smiled.

"What's so amusin'?"

"You."

"What the fuck you talkin' 'bout?"

"It's just…fuck man, I've never seen you this comfy with a human. You're either ignorin' 'em or eatin' 'em. Not snugglin' up with 'em."

"I ain't snugglin'. And Bella's… different."

"No shit she's different. Jesus, can't you see what's right in front of you? I know you're supposed to be smarter and wiser but Major, you're a dumbass." I walked over and sat down on the end of the bed. When I put my hand on her covered foot, Jasper growled in warning.

"Don't touch her," he hissed and it was pretty fuckin' clear that the Major was protectin' his little lady.

I didn't move my hand. Instead, I just smiled. "See, that shit right there, that's what I'm talkin' about. You're protectin' her for a reason Major." His jaw was clenched and his eyes were fixated on the hand I had on Bella's foot. He growled again and I removed my hand. I really didn't want to lose it, that shit hurts.

"Why?"

"It's simple. She belongs to you just as much as you belong to her. Major, she's your mate. And whether you realize it or not, you already love her, just like she already loves you."

I could see that he was warring with himself. A part of him was happy that he had finally found her. The other part was confused as all get out. He furrowed his brows and slowly shook his head 'no'. "She can't be my mate Peter. I tried to attack her four years ago. It's not possible."

"For fucks sake Major, you weren't gonna eat her. She's your brother's singer; you were protectin' her from his crazy ass."

"No. I felt the bloodlust."

"Yeah, his and everyone else's. Let's say you were gonna try to make her a snack, as soon as you touched her, you would have stopped."

"How can you be sure?"

"I just know shit."

"Why are you so protective of her?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Because she's yours. You would protect Char and I would protect Kitten here."

He looked at the sleeping beauty in his arms and smiled before leaning down and kissing her forehead. Now I wasn't normally one for all the mushy love shit but this… this was somethin' else. To see Maria's right hand bein' this close and tender with a human was nothin' short of spectacular.

"Let me ask you this. Is there any goin' back for you now?" When he didn't respond I knew I had my answer. I got up off the bed and walked back to the door. "Bring her by the house. Char is itchin' to meet her new sister and it would be nice if I could officially meet her too." Jasper nodded. I was about to walk out the door when I remembered one thing. "Oh, and Jasper? I told you this would be better than the balcony."

And with one final growl from the Major, I was gone and on my way back home. After all, I had me a woman to get back to.

JPOV

Mate? I had been around hundreds of mated pairs throughout my existence but I couldn't even tell that I was mated; to a human no less. Sure, the physical attraction had been there, how could it not be? And that invisible pull to her had been gettin' stronger and stronger from the first day I saw her at Forks High. But I had always believed that it was the call of her blood, not the call of her.

I don't know what frustrated me more: the fact that I didn't know she was mine, the fact that Peter had pointed it out, or the fact that Alice had flat out lied to me in that diner and every day for the last sixty years. I had loved her with every fiber of my being but even I knew deep down, if it came to my own life or hers, I would choose my own life every time without question.

That should have been my first clue.

But without Alice would I have met Bella? Was that her plan all along?

I didn't know.

Watching Bella sleep peacefully beside me was heaven and I now understood what Edward liked about it so much. Aside from the snoring, she was quite entertaining to listen to. She said the darndest things as she slept and I found myself laughing quietly at her ramblings about flying monkeys and magic bananas.

I looked down at my Bella and smiled. She was so beautiful. My chest ached to hold her; to protect her; to love her. She deserved the whole world and I would to do everything in my power to make her happy for the rest of my existence. It was funny to actually think that at one time I had wanted to destroy the creature that was snuggled into my side, all for the sake of saving the family. But now, all I wanted to do was to make her smile and call her mine.

She shifted slightly in the bed and curled further into me; her head was in the crook of my arm and her arm across my torso. I momentarily thought about shifting her away, but before I could act, she sighed in contentment and said the one word I didn't even know I had longed to hear. "Jasper."

My breath caught in my throat and before I could think, I pulled her body closer to me. This only caused her to wiggle further into me and sigh again. My dead heart swelled with love for the woman in my arms. I knew now that I wanted her more than anything else in this world. Peter was right and I knew I couldn't deny my feelings anymore, and to be honest, I didn't want to. I knew then that I was falling in love with Isabella Swan.

And that terrified me.

I didn't know how long I had watched her sleep. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours but her heart rate and breathing began to pick up lettin' me know that my Bella was wakin' up. She stirred before stretching and let out a contented sigh. "Mornin' Darlin'," I drawled before leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead.

She looked up at me and smiled. "You stayed."

"I told you I would. Did ya know you snore?"

Her brow furrowed. "I do not."

"You do. You also talk in your sleep."

"So I've been told," she mumbled. She finally let me go and slid out from under the covers, her tiny tank top rising well above her belly button. It took all of my strength to not throw her down on the bed and claim her.

"Hey Bella?"

She stopped right before the door to the master bathroom and turned to face me. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to go back to my place today?"

She froze. "Um… sure," she said with a slow, hesitant nod of her head. "Just let me get a shower and something to eat. Um, do you think you can get a pot of coffee going?"

"Sure Darlin'."

She smiled before turning and going into the bathroom. When I heard the shower turn on, I left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. The kitchen was small, but seemed to fit Bella to a 'T'. The black Mr. Coffee coffee pot was sitting on top of the granite countertops. The coffee was sitting right next to it.

I stared at the small black appliance. The last time I had made 'coffee' was 1863, back when we had to use chicory or peanuts because of those fuckin' Union blockades. And we didn't have a fuckin' Mr. Coffee.

It didn't take long to figure out how to work the coffeepot. I filled the pot with water and poured it into the reservoir and scooped some of the ground coffee into the holder. I pressed start and prayed for the best.

It wasn't that hard to make coffee.

BPOV

The shower felt amazing. All the stress from yesterday just seemed to wash away down the drain. Ray had just flat pissed me the fuck off. Does he seriously think he can treat me like that? I've been controlled enough in my life… Edward was controlling enough for a thousand lifetimes.

Edward.

I had said that I hated him. In hindsight, I didn't hate him but I still did want to see him suffer to some extent like I had. Okay, maybe not just like I had- I loved his family too much to watch Victoria destroy them, well, except for maybe Rosalie. That bitch has some issues. But I meant what I said when I called him a prissy-assed douchebag. What can I say? Jasper brings it out. Literally.

Jasper.

When it came to him, I was just confused. There was definitely a fair share of sexual attraction. Hell, that's been there the first day I saw him back in the Forks High cafeteria. But now things seemed different, especially after last night. It was weird to think that he knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it. What was weirder though was the ache in my chest that I had when he wasn't near. Even now, with him in the other room, I could feel it. It wasn't severe, but it was there. And I didn't understand it.

Did he feel it too?


What did it mean?

I'm pretty sure I knew what it meant… but it terrified me more than James or Victoria ever could. I was dangerously close to falling in love with Jasper Whitlock.

I turned off the hot water and grabbed the fluffy blue towel from the bar by the shower before wrapping it around my body. I stepped out of the shower and quickly dried off before putting on some coconut scented body lotion. I took the towel and quickly towel dried my hair, letting it fall wherever it did. I guess the one benefit to short hair was that I could get away with that shit.

When I was satisfied with my hair, I wrapped the towel back around my body and stepped into my room. The temperature difference sent a shiver down my spine and I found myself running around my room to quickly gather my clothes. I settled on a pair of medium wash 'destroyed' skinny jeans, a black button down cable knit cardigan, and a pair of black scrunchy boots that hit just above the ankle and had a two inch heel. Pleased with what I saw in the full length mirror, I made my way to the kitchen.

Jasper was sitting at the kitchen table and had a lazy smile on his handsome face. The scent of coffee certainly did not go missed; it smelt like freshly ground heaven.

"I don't know how you can drink that shit Bella," he said while chuckling and shaking his head.

I snorted as I walked over to the coffee pot. "First off, my blood type is Folgers. Second, you're one to talk; you drink blood. In comparison, I don't think my coffee is that bad." I added some French vanilla creamer and a touch of sugar to the coffee and, after giving it a quick stir, I took a sip.

Big mistake.

I slapped my free hand across my mouth, trying hard to not spit the coffee out, and I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged out of my head as I choked the bitter liquid down. Jasper was in complete hysterics and about to fall out of the chair from laughing so hard. "Jesus! I like my coffee strong; not lethal! How many scoops did you put in there?"

"Scoops?"

"Yeah, that little black scoop next to the coffeepot."

"Oh."

I giggled because it was just that fucking funny. "You know what, I'll just stop at Starbucks and call it a day."

He scratched the back of his head, "sorry 'bout your coffee Darlin'." He looked almost… bashful. It was absolutely adorable, and so human. I walked over, propped up on my tip toes and pecked his cheek.

"It's the thought that counts." I walked over and grabbed my purse and keys from the coffee table. "Ready?" I asked, twirling my keys around my finger and walking towards the door.

"Ready when you are, Darlin'."

Jasper put his hand on the small of my back and led me out the door. I may have swooned just a bit. We made our way down in amicable silence. When we got outside, the sun was shining brightly, even though it was relatively cool. Luckily for us, there was still a bit of shade in front of the parking lot.

"I guess I'll go get the car," I said before taking off towards the Camaro. When I got in, I re-adjusted the seat since Jasper had driven me home last night after the little incident at the gym. I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking spot, meeting Jasper right in front of the building.

It didn't take long for me to get to Starbucks to order a caramel macchiato. After I received my coffee, we were once again off to… wherever. Much to my relief, we avoided any discussion about last night's events.

"Can I ask you something?" Jasper asked somewhat hesitantly.

"You kinda just did."

"Funny. But I'm serious."

"Well, since you're serious and all, shoot."

"What happened to you and Jake?"

And there it was; the million dollar fucking question. I took a deep breath and tried to figure out the best way to put it. There was really only one way to put it. "I broke his heart, and then disappeared without a trace." I left it at that, he didn't need to know the specifics and, thankfully, he didn't pry.

Truth be told, I was ashamed.

"Do you keep in touch with anyone in Forks?"

"Seth Clearwater. Charlie was going to marry his mom Sue and he and I got really close. He's three years younger than me and I truly consider him a little brother. His mother couldn't really afford his tuition, and he really wanted to go to college, so I'm paying for his tuition that scholarships and grants won't cover with the life insurance money I got after…yeah. He doesn't know where I'm at or any specifics because of the whole pack telepathy but he knows I'm still alive and happy. His sister Leah's a piece of work though. We hate each other, and it works for us."

Jasper must have felt my somber mood because I was hit with a wave of happiness. I smiled and thanked him.

"So, Peter and Char are really excited to meet you."

I tensed; he hadn't mentioned them when he invited me over. "Should I be worried?" I asked nervously.

"No, you're safe with me Darlin'. I'd never let anyone hurt ya," he said with conviction.

"I trust you."

We drove for another twenty minutes before he had me turn onto an unmarked road which was obviously a very long private drive. At the top of the driveway, the huge black metal gate was already opening. "Told ya they were excited."

We pulled up to a Spanish-style stucco home that had a rust colored tiled roof and arches over the doors and windows. The yard was perfectly green and landscaped. It was stunning and not at all what I had expected. I said the only thing I could think of. "Wow." I put the car in park in front of the house and Jasper hopped out of the passenger side and rushed to my side to open my door. Apparently, chivalry wasn't dead.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and took his offered hand. "Thank you," I said with a sincere smile.

"C'mon, there's more to see," he said, pulling me towards the house. The house was big. Not Cullen big but big. I still didn't see the need for such an extravagant home, but I wasn't going to say anything. Jasper led me across the tiled walkway, stopping to pick a red rose from one of the rose bushes. He quickly stripped the flower of thorns before holding it out to me. I took the rose and held it up to my nose, breathing in the sweet scent. "A beautiful rose for a beautiful girl," he said with a crooked smile; one of them daze-inducing, panty-wetting, swoon-worthy smiles. Yeah, I think all of the above may have happened… I know at least one did and, judging by the darker color of Jasper's eyes, he knew it too.

When we got to the door, he opened it and led me through, never once taking his hand off the small of my back. We stepped through the door into the foyer. From what I could see, the house was just as amazing inside as it was on the out. My heels clacked on the hardwood floors as we walked further into the house.

From what I assumed was the living room, came a pastier version of Josh Lucas from his role in 'Sweet Home Alabama'. He had short, dirty blonde hair, twinkling red eyes, and one hell of a sexy swagger.

I could so get used to hanging around all this man candy.

The Josh Lucas look-alike, whom I'm assuming was Peter, stopped in front of me and stared for a moment, looking me up and down before smirking.

Was he checking me out?

"Bella, this is my brother Peter. Peter, this is Bella."

Peter took my hand and looked right into my eyes as he took my hand and brought it to his lips. "Enchanté," he said seductively. And for a moment, just a moment, I forgot about everything in that room other than Peter and his enchanting crimson eyes.

Son of a bitch! I was just dazzled!

Peter chuckled before pulling away. I crossed my arms and pouted. "Stupid dazzling vampires," I mumbled, knowing full well that they heard me. It just caused Peter to chuckle again.

"It's not like Jasper to bring home take-out," he said with an eerie calm. I'm pretty sure I lost a shit ton of color and started to look as pale as the vampires in the room. This just caused Peter to guffaw loudly and Jasper hissed disapprovingly.

"You… should have… seen… your face!" Peter ground out, still laughing his ass off.

Jasper glared at Peter and growled. It was the first time I had seen him this murderous since the James incident. I'll admit, it was a little scary… but he also looked pretty damn fuckable. He glanced at me, eyebrow raised, before turning the mega stink-eye back onto Peter. "What the fuck are you tryin' to pull?"

"Oh don't get your panties in a knot Major; I was just breakin' the ice." He took a step closer to me, grinning, with an extended hand. When I looked up to Jasper to see if it was safe, he nodded his head to let me know that it was. I tentatively took his hand. "Peter Whitlock ma'am. I didn't frighten ya now did I?"

"Just remember Peter, fire and ice run through these veins and if you ever pull that shit again, I won't hesitate to light your ass on fire," I said sweetly, smiling and batting my eyelashes. It was Peter's turn to look remotely scared and Jasper started busting up.

Peter composed himself before putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me away from Jasper, who in turn growled again. "Kitten, you and I are gonna be like peas and carrots. C'mon, I think I hear my wife pullin' up." He started leading me through the house. When I looked back at Jasper, he was standing in the same exact place, wide-eyed and completely speechless.

"You just gonna stand there Major or you comin' with us?" Peter took a deep breath before saying, "by the way Kitten, you smell delicious." He grabbed my ass and gave it a firm squeeze. And just what did I do? I giggled, I fucking giggled.

"PETER!" Jasper roared before he was by my side in an instant and I was back in his arms.

It was going to be an interesting Sunday.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tuesday...erm... Wednesday Teaser

This was honestly supposed to be up yesterday. Unfortunately, I've been without power and internet for over thirty hours now thanks to some badass windstorm that killed eleven power poles. Now I'm rentin' me a nice humongous generator and it is as loud as loud can be. Anyway without any more delay, the teaser for chapter 6 of The Art of Redemption.

PPOV

Jasper was a fuckin’ moron. A moron who didn’t know what the hell he had, even if it was starin’ him right in the face. How could he not see how perfect Kitten was for him? How could he not see that she was his true mate? In all my years, I ain’t ever seen the Major take to a human like he had Bella Swan. Hell, I ain’t ever seen him take to a human… unless he was eatin’ ‘em.

But Kitten was different. She would be his rock and not take any of his shit. She would help him reclaim who he was while lettin’ the Major shine through. She was just like him too… except she had a pussy. And I knew he could feel the pull to her, he just wouldn’t acknowledge it.

Char and I had known all along that Alice wasn’t his mate. The Major’s mate would have to be strong and be able to put up with his shit without takin’ any of it. Not turn him into some overeager Bambi-munchin’ lapdog that would do as he was told, when he was told to do it.

So here I was keys in hand and ready to go talk some sense into him. Just as I was about to open the door, my gorgeous wife wrapped her arms around my body. “Where do ya think you’re goin’ Sug?” she purred seductively.

He’s gonna fuckin’ owe me.

God help me, I really didn’t want to say this. “The Major needs me Char.”

I heard her sigh before she pulled away and I turned to face her. “Make him understand Peter. He’s finally found her… don’t let him fuck it up and lose her,” she said with a smile. She didn’t have to say it, but I knew Char was excited to meet her new sister. Even without meeting her, she was attached to her and it was going to be hard to keep her away for much longer. If I was bein’ honest, I was pretty sure she already had Kitten’s room done.

After a less than chaste kiss with the wifey, I jumped in the Tahoe and was on the way to Kitten’s apartment building to straighten out the mess the Major had caused. Or, at least, preventin’ said mess from happening.
It didn’t take long to get to her apartment building. From what I could tell, she lived in a nice area. It wasn’t cheap building but it suit her just fine. I parked the Tahoe next to a new black Camaro. When I got out of the truck, I could smell both Jasper and Kitten near the car. I could only assume it was hers.

She’s got taste. I’ll give her that.

Something told me to go to the back of the building. So that’s where I went. My ‘gift’ had never steered me wrong before so I sure as fuck wasn’t gonna question it now. I had always been, even when I was human, able to see what others couldn’t. Now, I couldn’t see the future like the pocket pixie but most of the time… I just knew shit. And it’s because of that that I was currently standing below Kitten’s balcony trying to sort out this mess and make the Major see the truth.

I leapt up and landed on the balcony that Jasper had been frequenting every night for the last week or so. Inside, I could hear Kitten’s steady breathin’ and heartbeat indicating that she was fast asleep.
“What the fuck do you want?” Jasper hissed from inside the apartment.

“To talk,” I said as I jiggled the handle to the French door. The door was unlocked so it opened easily and I stepped through the sheer green curtain and into her room. Her room was clean with just enough disarray to make it have a homey feel to it with pictures on every free surface.

Bella’s delicate, slightly tropical scent permeated the air. But instead of wanting to drain her dry, I wanted to protect her. Protect her from the evils of the world… protect her from heartache. Jasper snorted.

“That happens a lot around her. That sudden urge to protect her,” he said quietly as he looked at the sleeping girl in his arms. He had his right arm around her body while she was snuggled against his body, her arms clinging to him for dear life. She fit against him perfectly. I smiled.

“What’s so amusin’?”

“You.”

“What the fuck you talkin’ ‘bout?”

“It’s just…fuck man, I’ve never seen you this comfy with a human. You’re either ignoring ‘em or eatin’ ‘em. Not snugglin’ up with ‘em.”

“I ain’t snugglin’. And Bella’s… different.”

“No shit she’s different. Jesus, can’t you see what’s right in front of you?” I walked over and sat down on the end of the bed. When I put my hand on her covered foot, Jasper growled in warning.

“Don’t touch her,” he hissed and it was pretty fuckin’ clear that the Major was protectin’ his little lady.

I didn’t move my hand. Instead, I just smiled. “See, that shit right there, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. You’re protectin’ her for a reason Major.” His jaw was clenched and his eyes were fixated on the hand I had on Bella’s foot. He growled again and I removed my hand. I really didn’t want to lose it, that shit hurts.

“Why?”

“It’s simple. She belongs to you just as much as you belong to her. Major, she’s your mate. And whether you realize it or not, you already love her, just like she already loves you.”

I could see that he was warring with himself. A part of him was happy that he had finally found her. The other part was confused as all get out. He furrowed his brows and slowly shook his head no. “She can’t be my mate Peter. I tried to attack her four years ago. It’s not possible.”

Friday, November 12, 2010

Fic-rec Friday is finally back!

I know, I know. It's been forever since I've done a fic-rec Friday but I've been so busy! This week's fic comes from both ff.net and twiwrite.net and is one of my absolute favorite pairings...Carlisle/Bella. I've decided to do a little somethin' different with my fic-recs. When we get to the review portion, I'm breaking it up into actual story line and then writing style to, hopefully, give you a better representation and to make your decision a little easier on whether you want to read it or not. So let's get at it.


Pairing: Carlisle/Bella

Rating: MA for violence and sexual content

Summary: After the abrupt departure of the Cullens in New Moon, Bella grows up and moves on with her life. Unfortunately for the Cullens, she has grown up into this evil scientist hellbent on revenge. Due to Carlisle being the patriarch of the Cullen clan, she blames him for their leaving her and seeks her revenge on him first. Eventually, Bella falls in love with Carlisle after turning him human, once again, and into the famous actor, Peter Facinelli. Will she send him back to his coven or try her damndest to keep him for herself? How about if his life was on the line?

Review: To be perfectly honest, I didn't know if I was going to be able to get into this story because I really didn't like the torturing that Bella did to poor Carlisle. But, I decided to give it a chance and I'm so glad I did. After Bella finally falls in love with Carlisle, after turning him human, the story really blossoms. After Carlisle wakes up from getting turned back into a human, she convinces him that they were married and he was in a coma for three months and that his names is Peter Facinelli (that part I wasn't thrilled with). Eventually, Esme comes looking for him and is on the hunt for some Bella blood. As far as actually storyline goes, I would give it 5 stars since it has a tone of potential and is actually a good read once you get passed some errors.

As far as the writing style goes...it's good. If you have read her previous stories, you can definitely tell that she has improved but could still use a good beta...or a better one if she has one. I'm also not completely thrilled with her turning Jasper into a rapist...from a big J/B fan; that's just not cool. I also think that she could really use more background information on her characters as it is a  little lacklustre. For writing style, I would give her 2.75 stars.

A quick introduction to...

...the big four-legged things that give me the 'cowgirl' part of my name. That's right...I'm finally getting around to introducin' the horses. So, without further ado, I give you...


Champagne Party Bug (aka: Champ, Jackass, Asshole, Handsome...). He just turned three this year and is a huge pain in my ass. If you follow me on twitter, you'll know that I just recently fell off of one of my horses. Well, this is who I fell off of and let me tell you, it's no small drop. He is a BIG boy and my ass still hurts. I'm currently training for huntseat and western pleasure with hopes of hittin' the show ring with him next year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that goal comes to fruition.





PQR's Color Mia Rebel (aka Mia, Pumpkin, or Mia Stella (Italian for my star)). Mia is only a year old and I've owned her since she was still in the womb since I own her momma (below). Right now, she's just kinda hangin' out and growing up a little more before I can really do anything with her. She may be tiny, but she's probably got the biggest personality out of all three horses. If anyone is interested, she is currently being offered for sale.  
Kaydes Song (aka Kayde, Princess, Kaydence, and Big Momma). Kayde's the oldest of the bunch at the ripe old age of eleven. She is Mia's dam and currently seven months pregnant with Champ's first foal which is due in March. I've had her since she was four and she has taught me so much. She was the first horse that I've trained how to ride and I've definetely learned what to do as well as my fair share of what not to do. Through all the shit though, she's been more than a willing partner...most of the time.
Well, that's everyone...until March anyway. I just thought I'd give y'all a little insight to my life and what makes me tick apart from reading and writing TwiFics.

Until next time...
Amber

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Art of Redemption: Chapter 5

The Art of Redemption

Chapter 5

JPOV

"I ended up burying my mom and step-dad three weeks later. It wasn't hard to tell it was Victoria; they were killed the same way Charlie was. Every single bone in their bodies were shattered and no blood."

Bella had started to cry, and that was just somethin' I didn't want to see her do. Someone so special shouldn't be so sad. I pulled her up into my lap and wrapped my arms around her as I started rocking back and forth, trying my best to comfort the delicate girl in my arms. "She's still out there; somewhere. That's why I'm living everyday like it's my last. I never know when it will actually be my last."

Over my pile of ashes! She is MINE!

Her tears were starting to soak through my shirt, but I didn't give a fuck. "I'm sorry Darlin'. We should have been there. This is my entire fault…" I whispered.

"Please don't say that. My life worked out the way it was supposed to."

"But if I wasn't so weak, you're parents would still be alive. You'd be happy."

Her emotions shifted from sorrow to determination in the blink of an eye. "You aren't weak. If you were weak, would I be here sitting on your lap? If you were weak, could I do this?"

She leaned over and, just as she was about to kiss my cheek, I turned my head so my lips would meet hers. I felt her surprise as she pulled back quickly and gasped.

SHIT! Way to go fucker… way to fuckin' go.

"Shit, Bella I'm sorry I-" but Bella had cut me off before I could finish by bringing her lips to mine once more. Her warm, soft lips moved against mine in perfect synchronization.

'MINE!' the beast within roared. He wanted Bella and I had to try my hardest to not give in to him. But it was proving difficult, especially when I felt her lust spike and could smell her arousal.

'Fuck her!' he roared again.

I was too caught up in Bella to hear someone open the door. "Bellsy! We're ho-oh damn! Kevin, I think we should come back… my roomie's a bit busy!" the person yelled.

"What were you saying about being weak?" Bella asked as she pulled away from our kiss. She just looked at me and smiled brightly; a smile that coulda warmed my cold dead heart. She leaned forward and once again captured my lips in a chaste kiss before pulling away and standing up from the couch. "It's safe!" she yelled, presumably to her roommate.

He poked his head in. "We didn't interrupt did we?"

"Just get in here, there's someone I want you to meet."

"Hold on woman! Don't get your panties in a knot!"

Bella smiled and I could feel her mirth and the love she had for whoever was at the door. It was a complete one-eighty from earlier when she was telling me about what had happened in the last four years. Then, when I had felt the onslaught of her emotions, it was everything from her hate and resentment to her despair. After hearing her story, I only felt worse. She was left completely unprotected (I'm not counting pups as protection) and it was all my fuckin' fault!

I told Edward leaving Bella was a bad idea, I would have much rather left the family than leave her unprotected. Victoria was a woman scorned and hell bent on revenge. Regardless, Edward was able to convince the family, despite my protest, that leaving was best.

I should have gone back. I should have protected her.

But I didn't. I didn't because Alice had begged and pleaded with me to stay… to not hurt her best friend. Apparently she had seen my killin' Bella if I had gone back.

"Jasper, I'd like you to meet my roommate and best friend, Drew Carter. Drew, this is Jasper Whitlock; Edward's… brother," she introduced us, saying the last part very hesitantly.

"So you brother is the asshole that broke my Belly Bean's heart. I swear to God, if I ever see him, he has one serious ass-kicking coming his way," he said with disdain. Had Edward been human, I didn't doubt for one minute that Drew could kick Edward's ass. Drew stood about six foot two and was more muscular than Edward with short blonde hair and steel gray eyes.

"Take a number D, I get him first," Bella growled. Fuckin' growled…and it was hot as fuck!

"Easy Baby B," he chuckled.

She smiled. "And this cute little red head here is Drew's boyfriend Kevin."

I extended my hand to the guys. Their flinches at the coldness of my skin did not go unnoticed.

"Hey B, we need to start getting ready for work," Drew said, looking directly at Bella almost pleadingly. I could feel the huge amount of brotherly love he had for her, it almost rivaled Emmett's. But I could also feel his protectiveness of her and the distrust he held for me.

"Oh um, okay. Sure. Jasper, Kevin, feel free to watch whatever you want on TV."

Bella and Drew both went into separate rooms, but it didn't take long for Drew to walk into Bella's with a change of clothes. I sat down on the couch and flipped on the TV to some sports channel. Kevin sat down in the recliner that was to the right of the couch. I could feel his apprehension about being so close to me. It was a completely natural reaction, people were apprehensive around my kind. Everyone except for Bella.

"So how long have you known Bella?" I asked Kevin, trying to make him feel more at ease.

"About a year; we met in a history class."

"Did she introduce you to Drew?"

"Yes."

He was still too apprehensive so I decided to let it go. I could feel the concern coming from Drew and Bella's growing frustration.

"So what's going on with you and Hot Cowboy?"

"Jasper. His name is Jasper."

"I like Hot Cowboy better; doesn't sound so old. But, you didn't answer the question."

"Nothing is going on."

"It sure as hell didn't look like it was nothing B."

"We're just friends. Can't you just trust me?"

"I do trust you. It's him I don't trust. Look, B, I just don't want to see you hurt."

"I know D. I love you."

"I love you too kid. Now, get your ass in them jeans so we can get going."
I could hear the sound of his hand hitting flesh and I tried to stifle the growl.

"You just wanna see my ass in those jeans don't you?"

"Of course."

There was a long pause before Bella sighed.

"You would tell me if you fell in love, right?"

"Of course I would, B. You would tell me wouldn't you?"

"I don't fall in love, Drew. I fall in lust. That's it."

My heart broke for her. She had been broken so badly by Edward and Jake that she didn't even seem to believe in love anymore.

They didn't come out for another twenty minutes but man was the wait worth it. Bella was in a pair of tight, dark was jeans with a pair of black strappy heels. Her top was blood red and hugged her curves in all the right places.

"Oh! I forgot my contacts!" she exclaimed, whipping around and running back to her room. The shirt was draped low in the back and had a panel in the mid back to keep it closed. But what caught my eye the most was the tattoo on her right shoulder blade.

In elegant script was the phrase: La vendetta è un atto di passione; la vendetta di giustizia. Le ferite sono vendicó; i crimini sono vendicati*. Under the script was a heart with the names of her parents and, presumably, the date they were killed by Victoria.

BPOV

I knew that Drew loved me and was just looking out for me but I swear he was getting on my last nerve! He didn't know about both of my failed relationships and, to be honest, I didn't know if I ever wanted him to.

Did I want love? Yes, of course I did. What girl doesn't? But after having my heart ripped out not once but twice, I was terrified of love. Sure, one night stands with random strangers and nights with the trusty Rabbit were physically satisfying, but they were emotionally draining. Did I want to tell Drew that I had feelings for Jasper? Yes. But for some reason, and it could quite possibly be the fact that Jasper could hear me, I didn't.

From the moment I saw him outside of Vamped… I felt it. I felt that pull towards him. It felt as though there was a thick elastic band around the two of us and, as one person got further and further away, the tension became stronger; like it was trying to pull us back together.

But what did it mean?

Once I reached the bathroom that was off the master bedroom, I put in my crimson contacts and took in my final appearance. My eye makeup was smoky and gray and paired with some fuckhot red lips. I had straightened my hair and just a few wisps were turned out. I sighed. I couldn't wait for my hair to grow back. Drew had suggested that I cut it short so I did. Big mistake; there were only so many things I could do with it.

I miss my long hair.

After I put my contacts in and I was relatively satisfied with my look, I went back out to the living room. Drew and Kevin were already waiting by the front door and Jasper was still sitting on the couch. "I'm starting to think I should get a pair of those, everyone else is. I don't get it B, vampires don't even exist!"

"And how do you know that?" I countered. From the corner of my eye, I could see Jasper smirk.

"Well have you ever seen one?"

"Have you?" I said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well…no. But they don't exist!"

I looked at Jasper and shook my head, trying my damndest to not chuckle. I turned my attention back to Drew, "and how can you be so sure? What do you think Jasper?"

He smirked again. "Couldn't tell ya."

We walked down to the parking lot and Drew turned towards his car. "I'm taking my car tonight B, I'm going back to Kevin's after work," he said and smiled apologetically.

I shrugged my shoulders. "No problem. That just means I get to take mine, I don't get to take her out too often anymore," I said with a sigh. I missed driving my car. "Hey Drew?"

"Yeah B?"

"I'll race ya. Twenty to the winner?"

"You're on little girl." Drew and Kevin ran to Drew's red 2007 Ford Mustang.

I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him towards the car. "Come on, I'm not losing!"

I ran, with Jasper easily keeping up with me, to the shiny black 2010 Chevy Camaro. That car was my whole reason for existence now. I had just recently bought it with some of the insurance money that I got after my parents' untimely murder and after my ancient Chevy truck finally bit the dust. To be honest, I was just surprised that the hunk of scrap metal made it all the way down here. I pulled the keys out of my purse and hit the unlock button earning a resounding beep from the car.

"This is your car?" Jasper asked incredulously.

"Yep, this is my car," I said, biting my lip. I opened the door and slid into the sleek interior, reveling in the feel of the supple black leather seat around my body. I slipped the key into the ignition and turned it, listening to my baby roar to life.

It was a beautiful sound.

I instinctively rolled down the windows before buckling my seatbelt. Jasper slid in and buckled up, as if he actually needed it, before I backed out of the parking space. I turned left on to the busy one-way street in front of my apartment building, noticing that Drew was already two car lengths in front of me.

It really didn't take long to get to the club since it was only a few blocks away…but it was the principle. I had to beat Drew. And I did, by about thirty seconds. As Drew pulled up beside my Camaro, which was parked in the employees' lot behind the club, I just smiled…and flipped him the bird. He happily returned the gesture. "You owe me twenty," I said, sticking my hand out with my palm facing up.

"I want a rematch," he stated defiantly.

Jasper just quietly chuckled. I looked at him, not knowing what was so funny. "He's embarrassed that you beat him," he whispered quietly in my ear. I shivered as his icy breath hit my skin.

I nodded my head slowly. "Name the time and place, D. Just know; I'll beat you every time. Come on now, let's go."

All four of us went inside, Jasper and I holding hands all the way into the club. Drew's glares toward Jasper's and my joined hands did not go unnoticed. I just looked at him through narrowed eyes and dared him to speak. He didn't say anything.

As we entered the club, the sound of You Shook Me All Night Long was blaring from the speakers.

"We finally get some decent music goin' in here. What? Is Molly not here to listen to that pop shit?" I asked as I walked into the club. The only people that were in here, aside from my boys and me, were Alex the club's DJ, and Tony the bouncer. I was assuming Ray was in his office.

"Haven't seen her yet," Alex yelled from behind a speaker.

I told Jasper and Kevin that they could have a seat at the bar while Drew and I set up for the night. I was expecting a pretty big crowd and poured me a shot of Jack to help 'prepare' for the night ahead. Jasper looked at me expectantly, waiting for an explanation. "What? I'm the one who has to dance around a damn pole. My friend Jack here will help me with the nerves. I could always invite José."

"Ya know, I was gonna ask ya 'bout that," he drawled out, "but I never got the opportunity."

"Oh, um… I took some classes. It's a great work out."

The front door slammed shut as our boss Ray walked in with Molly hot on his tail. "What did I tell you about boyfriends at work Swan?" he barked. Great, Ray was gonna be an asshole tonight.

"He's not my boyfriend Ray. He's just a friend."

"Either way, I don't want him hanging around my bar unless he's paying the tab. You're supposed to appear single. I don't really give a shit if you are or aren't. When you're here, you are."

I could tell that Jasper was getting angry about Ray's treatment towards me since his fists kept clenching and unclenching. That and his eyes were a darker burgundy, almost black. I placed my hand on his forearm and it seemed like he instantly calmed down. When he looked at me, I smiled at him reassuringly and pleaded with my eyes for him to come back to me, praying to God that it would work. Thankfully, it did.

"Oh, and Bella? You're on the floor again," he said before walking to the steps that led to his office. Molly was still hot on his tail and everything finally came into prospective; following him everywhere… staying late after work… coming in with him… getting my shifts…

That little whore!

Anger coursed through my veins and it was my turn to start clenching and unclenching my fist. "I don't think so," I ground out through clenched teeth. "You hired me as a bartender, not a waitress."

"You know the rules, Swan. Molly wants to tend bar again."

"You know what Ray? If Molly wants my job so fucking bad, she can fucking have it. I quit!" I screamed at my boss. The club suddenly grew eerily quiet. Vamped was a great place to work, truly it was. But the last few weeks, ever since Molly came along, things had been slowly going downhill. He gave her my job once already; it wouldn't happen again. I didn't need the money… I only worked here to pass the time.

Ray's mouth was opening and closing in rapid succession, much like a fish. He finally spoke up. "You can't quit. You're under contract for another six months!" he roared.

"What are you gonna do Ray? Sue me? I'm sure the Better Business Bureau, and your wife, would just love to find out that you're fucking Molly on the side." There was a series of collective gasps around the club. "That's right Ray, I know your dirty little secret. Let's see how little Molly can do on a crowded Saturday. Come on Jasper, let's go."

"What's the matter Bella, afraid of a little competition? Afraid I'll take your man too…Lord knows you can't keep one," Molly sneered from her spot on the steps.

At that point, I saw red. And I'm not just talking the color of anger. Oh no… I was talking about a dark crimson… the color of blood… the color of her blood. The only thing that kept me from lunging at her was the fact that Jasper had a secure hold around my waist. "Jasper, get me out of here before she starts spilling blood. Please," I begged quietly.

"Come on Darlin'," Jasper said as he gently tugged me toward the door.

"Oh look everyone, she's running away," Molly sneered again. My body stiffened in response to my anger. I really, really wanted to hurt her. I tried to wriggle out of Jasper's firm grasp to no avail, he had locked on and wasn't letting go. I felt the calm wash over me as I was dragged out of the club by Jasper.

Once outside, I took a deep breath to try to clear my head.

"You okay now, Darlin'?" Jasper asked as he tentatively let go of my waist. The second I took a step toward the club, his arms were around me once again. "I don't think so Darlin'."

I took another deep breath, relishing the calm that Jasper was sending my way. I grabbed for my keys and hit the unlock button. "I'm okay now."

"You sure 'bout that?"

Not trusting my voice, I just nodded my head slowly.

Jasper let go of me and we both turned towards my Camaro. Before reaching the car, I heard Drew shout, "Bella! Wait!" I sighed and turned around to see him and Kevin running towards us. "I'll follow you to the gym."

"No, Drew. Go back to work. I can handle this myself."

"There's no work to go back to Sweetie. I just quit. If my best friend ain't gonna work there, I'm sure as hell not gonna work there."

"But Drew, you-"

He cut me off before I could finish. "Don't say it, B. I was getting ready to turn in my two week notice anyway," he said as he wrapped his right arm around me.

"Thanks, D."

"Now let's go visit a punching bag about some anger management, shall we?"

Jasper and I took the Camaro to the gym while Drew and Kevin followed in the Stang. With me driving, it didn't take long to get to the gym. What would normally be a twenty-two minute drive turned into a twelve minute drive. Speed limit be damned.

"Bella, Darlin', do ya think this is a good idea?" Jasper asked as I pulled into the parking space in front of the gym.

I turned to look at him. "Would you rather I turn around and go back to the club? Right now, I don't even know if you could stop me. Trust me, I need this," I explained while exiting the car. Jasper followed me into the gym and waited in front of the girls' locker room while I changed into my work out clothes.

By the time I got out of the locker room, Drew was already dressed and ready to go. I took my place beside Jasper and laced my hand with his, instantly feeling calmer, to which I'm sure he was relieved. We walked hand in hand to the room off to the side of all of the equipment.

"You know, for the first time since joining this gym, I'm really thankful its open twenty four-seven."

"That's what I told the she-devil after I quit," Drew said, picking up the body shield and getting into position. I gave Jasper a quick kiss on the lips before slipping on my pink grappling gloves. Jasper chuckled.

"Don't laugh at my gloves."

"It's not your gloves I'm laughin' at darlin'. I just can't believe yer gonna do this, yer 'bout as scary as a paper bag."

I'll show you.

I snorted and turned on my heel before walking over to Drew who was already poised and ready to block whatever I threw at him.

For fifteen minutes straight, I kicked, I punched, and I just got angrier. I couldn't hear anyone around me… all I could concentrate on was the red haze that I knew was clouding my judgment. I just wanted to scream. Scream at the world… scream at myself… and most of all… I wanted to scream at Edward for ruining my life.

But it was no use.

So I did the only thing I could do. I fell to my knees and cried. I cried for Renee and Phil. I cried for Charlie. I cried for lost love. And most of all, I cried for me. The anger… despair… sorrow… it was all too much. It all came at me so fast that I couldn't handle it and I finally broke down. I finally just broke.

I heard the thump of Drew's body as he slumped down in front of me and felt his warm arms around me. I could also hear Jasper and Kevin rush over. But nothing registered.

Even with my friends around me, I was alone.

"Why don't you guys go? I'll make sure Miss Bella here gets home safe."

"No way in hell. I'm not leaving my best friend here in this state!"

"I give you my word as a gentleman; I will keep her safe Drew. I can feel how much you care for her. But right now, I'm the only one that can help her."

Drew sighed. "Just take care of her and keep her away from the Patron...and the Phish Food. You come back to Baby B, you hear me? Please don't shut us out baby."

I remember nodding my head, without even really knowing why, before I heard the shuffle of feet and a click of a door as it closed.

"On your feet Isabella."

I just shook my head. I wanted this pain to be over and I knew Jasper could help me. But he wasn't taking the pain away.

Why wasn't he taking it away?

"I said on your feet, Isabella. I will not repeat myself," he said again more forcefully; his sexy southern drawl nowhere to be heard.

There was just something about the tone of his voice that made me want to obey... like I had no choice other than to do what he said. So, under no conscious control of my own, I felt my feet move from under me as I stood up. "Please…" I whispered, hoping he would know what I meant.

"You're working through this on your own Isabella," he said. His voice was stern; it was as if he was trying to control me. And I knew I had no choice but to let him.

"I can't," I said weakly.

In a flash, he was in front of me. When I tried to take a step back, he grabbed both of my arms and held me in place. "You will listen to me, Isabella. That is a direct order and I don't take too kindly to people disobeying my orders. Do I make myself clear?"

I couldn't look at him; I was too afraid to. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing the disappointment in his crimson eyes. "Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes Sir."

"Good girl."

Jasper calmly walked over and picked up the body shield, which I'm sure was more for my benefit rather than his. "I want your best Isabella. You will not hold back on me. Is this understood?"

"Yes Sir."

He smirked and something stirred within me. "Good."

In one swift motion, I lifted my front leg, bent it at the knee, and delivered a powerful roundhouse kick which he easily blocked with the shield. I did it again and then jabbed with my right hand.

"Quit using yer anger against ya," he instructed. His voice was softer this time and the twang was back; I stopped and looked at him quizzically. "You're fighting fire with fire, Bella. If you're gonna fight with anger, channel it. Control the anger, don't let it control you."

Huh?

Jasper put the shield down and came over to me. "Let yer anger be yer power. Center it and use it to your advantage."

"I don't understand."

"Put all of that anger into the deliverin' blow. If you're gonna jab, let all your anger flow to yer fists."

Oh…

"How?"

"Focus, Bella." He picked up the shield again. "Come on, Little Girl, show me what ya got."

I stared at the shield that Jasper was holding and tried to focus.

Go to the hand. I tried to mentally will my anger.

It didn't work.

Please go to the hand.

Nothing.

Go to the fucking hand!

Zip, nada, zilch.

"Try to envision this shield as Edward, Bella."

I stared at the shield.



Nothing.

This was hopeless. I was getting frustrated and in turn, angrier.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

My head shot up at the sound of his voice and I spun around; but was met with nothing.

"I don't love you."

I spun around and my heart stopped. There he was disheveled bronze hair and all. I could feel the sudden rush of power flow to my hand and lashed out.

"… we're very easily distracted."

I kept lashing out as the sound of his voice…the memories fueled my fury.

"It will be as if I never existed."

"Why wasn't I good enough for you?" I screamed, delivering a powerful front kick to the shield.

"I loved you with everything I had!" I screamed again, throwing three jabs and a body shot in rapid succession.

I took a deep breath and finally said the words that needed to be said. "I fucking hate you, you prissy-assed douchebag!**" I felt all of my anger rush to my leg as I swung for a roundhouse kick. The kick was so powerful that Jasper was knocked off balance.

I stopped. Everything was gone. The anger… the guilt… the despair… everything.

For the first time in four years, I felt free.

And I was safe… in Jasper's arms.