The Musings of a Cowgirl: October 2010

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story over on fanfiction.net! Your support means more to me than you will ever know! Here is a small teaser of the chapter to come.

There was a soft knock at the door, successfully breaking me from my mental tirade. “Just a second!” I called while turning on the DVD player and popping in the DVD. I stood up and strode over to the door, tripping on the corner of the area rug Drew insisted we have. “Stupid fucking rug,” I mumbled under my breath.

I made it to the door unscathed, barely, and opened the door to reveal a smiling Jasper. He looked fucking amazing in a pair of low hung dark wash jeans, a black fitted t-shirt that hugged his delicious muscular body, and a pair of square toe cowboy boots. “Was the rug giving you a hard time there Darlin’?” Of course he had heard me.

“It has a personal vendetta against me and tries to trip me every chance it gets,” I joked. I really didn’t like that thing. “Come in,” I said, opening the door further to allow him entry.

“I come with a peace offering,” he said with a smirk, holding out a cup of Starbucks coffee. I smiled brightly at him. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I hope its okay,” he said.

“Thank you that’s very…sweet,” I said honestly, taking the cup of coffee from him. Our fingers touched from the briefest of moments and I found some comfort in the contrast of our temperatures. “I was just about to watch a movie. Care to join me?”

“Well it depends…it’s not some sort of chick flick is it?”

“I wouldn’t make you sit through that torture. Besides, that’s what I have Drew for. If you don’t particularly like chick flicks, I should warn you now…don’t come over on Monday nights.”

“What’s Monday?”

“McConaughey Monday. On nights there is nothing decent on TV, we watch our chick flicks, Monday’s are dedicated to the hotness that is Matthew McConaughey,” I explained. “But right now, I was planning on Gods and Generals, unless you want to watch something else…”

“I haven’t seen it since it came out. The Civil War wasn’t exactly Alice’s favorite topic,” he chuckled lightly.

“Well, I’m not Alice and the Civil War happens to be my favorite topic. So, take a seat and make yourself comfortable. Mi casa es su casa,” I said with a small smile. Jasper returned my smile with one of his own, which made me smile more. I was starting to think I would do anything just to see him smile. Jasper sat on one side of the couch and I sat at the other, curling my legs up underneath myself.

Watching the movie with Jasper was a completely new experience. He was just like me, only in male form. Both of us were cheering after the first battle of Manassas as we watched Union soldier after Union soldier fall under the hands of the South. Throughout the movie, predominantly throughout the boring dialogue, Jasper kept explaining what it was like in the Confederate camps in detail and I couldn’t help but wonder how he knew all of this.

At the end of the movie, a tear ran down my cheek as I watched Stephan Lang take Stonewall’s dying breath and utter his last words, “Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of trees.” I could feel the sorrow and respect coming from Jasper as he bowed his head.
“It’s just so sad,” I said quietly as the credit rolled. “I mean, he gets his arm amputated and then fucking dies from pneumonia!” I chuckled.

“Disease was very common back then and the doctors didn’t have the knowledge that they do now. Pneumonia was one that struck often and was mostly fatal. The conditions in which we lived in camps weren’t exactly…sanitary and disease spread fast. Soldiers had less to fear from bullets than they did disease.” The use of ‘we’ did not go unnoticed.

“We?” I asked with a raised brow. Was he implying that…Oh. My. God.

Jasper smirked. “Bella, what did Edward tell you about my past?”

“Just that it was yours to tell,” I said, smiling softly. I wanted to know; I wanted to know everything about Jasper Whitlock.

“It was 1861 when I joined the Confederate States Army,” he started with a smirk. “I was always a really charismatic person so it didn’t take long for me to move up the ranks and become the youngest Major in the Civil war. I was the Major of the 1st regiment of the Texas cavalry,” he explained. I felt his pride and I’m sure he could feel my surprise. It’s not as if I was hiding it as I was currently sitting completely slack-jawed.

Jasper continued to tell me stories and about his experience in the Civil war. By the time he was done, I hadn’t even realized that I moved closer to him, completely enthralled by his stories. “I…I had no idea…” I stammered out, not quite knowing what to say.

Real intelligent Bella. I mentally chastised myself…what the hell, I mentally rolled my eyes too.
“So what about you? Why are you so interested in the Civil war?”

“It’s in my blood,” I said proudly. I looked Jasper who raised his eyebrow and looked at me skeptically. “Okay, bad choice of words,” I laughed. “But seriously though, it is. My great-great-great-however many greats ago grandfather is, believe it or not, General Thomas ‘Stonewall’ Jackson.” Now it was Jasper’s turn to look at me in shock.

JPOV

I was shocked and I knew she could not only see it, she could feel it. She was the descendant of one of the most influential General’s in America’s history. If it weren’t for Jackson’s leadership skills, Lee wouldn’t have been able to keep the larger Union armies at bay for as long as he did.

“I found out when I was really young. When I was younger, Charlie always made sure to let me know where I came from. It’s because of him that I have such a deep rooted love for the Civil War,” she said sadly but with a small smile. Throughout the few times we’ve spent together, every time Charlie or her mother were brought up, her emotions would immediately shift to sadness and despair; the kind that could only come from mourning the loss of a loved one.

“Bella, what happened to Charlie?”

Bella took a deep breath and let it out very slowly. “Can we talk about this after lunch?” she asked. Her voice was unsure and her emotions were all over the damn place.

***

There ya have it folks...the update should be up in a few days.

Amber

Hello everyone out there in the fandom! I am so sorry this is coming a week and a half late...it's been a little weird around here for a while. I am posting this chapter to my blog first this time around and it will be up on ff.net tomorrow (Monday). Hope you all enjoy!

***
JPOV

“Still thinkin’ bout her?”

I didn’t even answer the fucker…he already knew the answer.

“Well come on then, git some shit kickers on and we’ll go see your girl.”

“She ain’t my girl.”

“You say that now, Major,” he said as he walked out the door. Fucking Peter…thinks he’s a fucking know-it-all.

…
Once in the crowded club, we made our way to an empty table near the bar. Bella was already behind the bar mixing different drinks and talking with the men surrounding the bar; their lust pouring off of them in waves.

“You’re girl looks pretty fuckin’ hot,” Peter said as he stood to extend his hand to his wife.

“Fuck off,” I growled. With a chuckle, he led Char to the dance floor as Whiskey Girl came blaring over the speakers.

I couldn’t help but agree with Peter though. Bella looked good tonight…Bella looked real good in them short Daisy Duke’s, tight tank top that was showin’ just the right amount of her pale skin and…fuck me, she was wearing cowboy boots. Her hair looked like she had just crawled out of my bed and ran her fingers through it. I knew I shouldn’t be havin’ them thoughts about my brothers ex-girlfriend but he walked away from her. She’s free game now.

Sorry, Brother dear.

I continued to watch her, like I had done all week on the balcony outside her bedroom, and still couldn’t figure her out. She had completely changed from the girl I knew before. This Bella, the new Bella, had a quiet confidence that made her sexy as hell. But, she still had remnants of her old self. She still enjoyed reading classic novels, and her normal day-to-day attire hadn’t changed much.

“You do know your starin’ right?”

“Again, fuck off Peter.”

Bella continued to mix and serve drinks behind the bar until an older gentleman with graying hair approached her.

“I need ya on the floor tonight Bella.”

“The tips aren’t as good.”

“Molly wants to try her hand at tending bar.”

“She can do it on my nights off. You know that Drew and I are you’re best bartenders and were runnin’ on a full house.”

“I know but you know the rules, everyone gets an opportunity to tend bar if they want to. So, I need you out on that floor. End of discussion.”

Bella slammed down a shot glass, nearly breaking it, and walked out from around the bar, out into the crowd, glaring at a petite red-head on her way.

BPOV

The club was quickly reaching its Friday night potential and Drew and I were working non-stop behind the bar mixing drinks and slinging beers left and right. Aside from the occasional bar dance, that’s all I did. Friday night was country night here at Vamped so the sounds of country music were blaring through the speakers as people danced on the dance floor. Country night was always a crowd favorite among the above thirty crowd around here so tonight was filled mainly with thirty-something’s, always a plus for Drew and I as far as tips go.

I was in the middle of pouring a round of tequila for one table when my boss, Ray, approached me. Ray was older, mid fifties, with graying hair and a ‘bigger than the world’ attitude. But, Ray was also a fun and fair boss.

“I need ya on the floor tonight, Bella.” Well this was certainly different.

“The tips aren’t as good,” I stated matter-of-factly, still pouring tequila into the shot glasses.
“Molly wants to try her hand at tending bar.”

Molly was one of our new waitresses that Ray had hired. She was always overeager to be working the bar, my guess was to get closer to Drew because let’s face it; Drew is hot. But I didn’t really give a flying fuck what Molly wanted. “She can do it on my nights off. You know that Drew and I are your best bartenders and we’re runnin’ on a full house,” I said, trying to convince the man in front of me. He knew damn well that Drew and I were his best…we were the best because we worked so well together. We had a system…and it was motherfuckin’ golden.

“I know, but you know the rules, everyone gets the opportunity to tend bar if they want to. So, I need you out on that floor. End of discussion,” he said before walking off into the back office, passing Molly on his way. She had a smirk planted on her pretty little face. I slammed the shot glass that I was holding down onto the counter, nearly shattering it, while anger coursed through my veins. I walked the length of the bar, down to wear Molly was standing victoriously. I narrowed my eyes at her and her bout of victory seemed to falter slightly as I approached, “wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you,” I hissed at her as I walked by and out into the crowd.

I didn’t particularly like working the floor. The tips weren’t as good and people were grabby; way to fucking grabby. I walked through the crowd around the bar and made my way to the tables.

When I finally made my way to the back table, there he was, looking very much like the ‘hot cowboy’ that Drew pegged him as. He was wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, showing off his muscular forearms. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw him sitting there, smiling at me as I approached.

“You know we don’t serve O negative here, right?” I asked jovially, trying unsuccessfully to keep the smile at bay.

“Oh, I’m sure someone here can help me.”

“Hands off the patrons,” I deadpanned and he laughed and I shortly joined him. “So what brings you here tonight?”

“Well, rumor has it that a really pretty girl that I used to know that works here.”
“Oh really? You probably mean Sarah…unfortunately she doesn’t work Fridays.”

“Funny.”

“Seriously though, what are you doing here?” I asked again.

“I wanted to see you again,” he said with a sexy smirk. I used to accuse Edward of dazzling me…little boy had nothing on Jasper. All he had to do was give me that look and I was completely under his southern spell.

“Well, in that case, I’m off in two hours and we can catch up than. In the mean time, I have to ask, what can I get ya? And for the record, Bella blood is not on the menu.”

“Two beers and a cosmo.”

I snickered. I couldn’t fucking help it. Here’s this really hot manly man ordering a motherfucking cosmo. A cosmo of all things. “Is there something you’re not tellin’ me there cowboy?”

“What? Charlotte thinks they’re ‘cute’,” he explained defensively.

“Whatever you say Pretty Boy,” I said as I smirked and turned towards the bar. I didn’t get very far before I felt a pair of cold, hard arms around my waist and I was flush against ice cold granite.

“There’s a lot I’m not tellin’ you Miss Swan,” he whispered huskily into my ear. A shiver ran down my spine, and it wasn’t because I was afraid. No, I wanted to be closer, so much closer.

Isabella Swan…have you no shame?

No. Not really.

JPOV

“You’re right, you haven’t told me. But you will, in two hours when you walk me home,” she said confidently. There was no fear. No regret. Not even apprehension. The only emotions I could pick up on were joy, trust, and dare I say it…lust. Well I’ll be God damned go to Hell. That’s new.

“Well I’ll let you git back to it then Miss Swan,” I whispered in her ear before letting her go. She sauntered off towards another table confidently without ever looking back.

In true Peter fashion, when I returned to the table, he was sitting there with Charlotte sitting on his lap, full shit eatin’ grin in place.

“I like her. Little kitten got some spunk. What would Eddie think of her now?” Peter asked sarcastically. “Probably couldn’t handle her,” he chuckled. He had a point though; Edward would not know how to handle a woman like Bella. And woman she was.

For the next hour and a half, I sat at that table watching Bella while Peter and Charlotte were back out on the dance floor. I watched as she glided effortlessly through the club, which was now not as crowded. At around one-forty-five, Bella came back to my table. “I just have to change and I’ll be ready to go. I’m getting off a few minutes early.”

“Ok, I’ll a…just meet you out front then.”

She walked off to the back room, presumable to go change. After telling Peter and Charlotte that I was walking Bella home, earning an approving nod from the ever-sarcastic Peter, I made my way outside to wait out front for Bella. It took Bella another ten minutes to come out. She was now wearing a worn pair of jeans, a navy long sleeve t-shirt, and a pair of black Converse.
“Sorry I took so long, I had to tell Drew that I was leaving…and that you were walking me home. It took a while to convince him that I was in fact safe with you,” she said softly, yet confidently. I could not help but wonder how she could be so confident with her safety.

“Drew is your…” I started, hoping that she would finish. I knew the two lived together, but I wasn’t aware of the status of their relationship. And I had to know.

“My roommate; my very, very gay roommate. He also holds the title of my very overprotective best friend.” For some strange reason, that little tidbit of information made me happier than I had been in four fucking years. Bella Swan was single…and she would be mine for the taking. Edward be damned.

While we walked, I told her about what I had been up to for the last four years. We continued to her apartment with the conversation flowing freely between us. That was until Bella got quiet. When I checked her emotions, she was nothing more than curious. “Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout over there Darlin’?” I asked as we continued to walk down the sidewalk. I could smell and hear the blood rush to her cheeks.

“Nothing,” she said quickly. I eyed her speculatively but said nothing.

“So what brings you to Albuquerque?” I asked. I was just as curious to know why she was here as she was for the reason I was. I could tell she was warring within herself, her emotions said everything. There was pain, more pain than any one human should have to endure. I found myself wondering what had happened in the four years since I had seen her last.

“School,” she said sharply, trying to hide the pain that I knew she was feeling. I wanted to know…but I said nothing. “This is me,” she said as we stopped in front of her apartment building.

“Well my momma would be rollin’ over in her grave if she found out I didn’t at least drop you off at your door,” I said and I felt Bella’s lust increase. With a shy smile, she began walking up the stairs with me following closely behind her. I really, really tried not to stare at her ass. I really did. When we reached the door to her apartment, she fumbled with her keys before finding the right and unlocking the door.

“Would you like to come in?” she asked, stepping into the dark apartment.

“Nah, I gotta git goin’. I still have some uh…other things I need to take care of tonight. G’night, Bella,” I said. I felt of her disappointment; she wanted me to stay. For some reason, disappointing her was the last thing I wanted to do. Before she could say anything, I spoke up. “On second thought, there’s really no rush. I’d love to Darlin’.” She smiled slightly before opening the door further and flipping on the light.

“Feel free to make yourself at home, I’m just going to go make something to drink,” she said as she shut the door. I gave her a smile before she walked away to, what I would assume to be, the kitchen.

I went to the entertainment stand to see what kind of movies Bella was interested in. On one side, she had the modern day chick flicks, a few dramas, and a ton of action movies. The other side held historical movies. I was surprised to see almost every movie ever made on the civil war. It was at that time that heard the annoying chirp of the teapot in the kitchen. I could hear Bella pouring the water into a cup and the clanging of a spoon against the ceramic cup. A few seconds later, she came walking out into the living room with her cup of tea. “So is Drew some sort of civil war buff?” I asked as she came to stand next to me.

“No,” she said quietly, before taking a sip of her tea. “Those are mine.”

“So you’re the civil war buff then? I just don’t see it; Edward said you had a passion for readin’.”
She shrugged her shoulders before saying, “you never asked. In fact, Edward never asked either, he always just assumed that my greatest passion in life was reading the classics. He was wrong though. The civil war is most definitely my greatest passion in life.”

“Then we share that in common,” I said with a chuckle. Since Bella hadn’t said anything, I assumed that Edward had never told her about my past, for which I was grateful. Now that I had the chance, I wanted to be the one to tell her. But before I could say anything, I felt a sudden wave of excitement coming from Bella.

“Come on, I want to show you something,” she said excitedly, slipping her small warm hand in my larger one. I was surprised by the gesture. During our time before her eighteenth birthday, I would have never dreamed of being this close to her. Yet here I was, holding her warm, delicate hand and it felt so right. She led me across the living room to a locked display case. “I don’t keep this locked up during the day when I’m here but I keep it locked up tight when I’m not here or sleeping,” she said letting go of my hand. I immediately missed the warmth and comfort from her touch. She unlocked the case and opened the door. I felt her pride and adoration swell.

The case held things I would have never expected. Inside the case was history…my history. Spurs and bits from the confederate cavalry, confederate belt buckles, bullets, bayonets, and even campsite equipment like coffee pots and canteens. I reached out for a belt buckle but pulled back, not knowing how Bella would react. “It’s okay. I trust you,” she said quietly. I gingerly picked up the belt buckle and examined it carefully. The ‘CS’ on the face of the buckle had little wear and was in beautiful condition and the back of the buckle had all three original belt hooks intact. “It took me a long time to find one in that good of condition. But, I finally did.”

“How did you get all of this?” I asked, putting the buckle back in the exact spot it was before.

“I bought most of it here and there; you’d be surprised what you can find at garage and estate sales. Some of it, mostly the bullets and what not were found at Confederate camp sites or battlefields,” she explained while walking over to the couch and sitting down, folding her legs underneath herself. I followed suit and sat across from her in the overstuffed chair.

“Bella, about your eighteenth birthday-” I started but was cut off by Bella holding up her hand.

“Don’t, Jasper. Please, just don’t. I just got my life back together,” she whispered so quietly I wouldn’t have heard her had I been human. Then I felt more pain and despair than any one person should have to endure. I knew when Edward left her, it would break her heart, but never in a million years did I expect this. And it was all my fault. “Stop that,” she said softly but forcefully, “I know what you’re feeling Jasper,” was I projecting? “And you’re wrong. Nothing is your fault. Nothing that happened to me is your fault.”

“What are you talkin’ ‘bout Darlin’? What’s goin’ on?” A single tear rolled down Bella’s cheek before she wiped it away.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired and it’s a long fucking story? Please?” she begged, I could feel her desperation.

“Sure, Bella. Why don’t you go change into your pajamas and I’ll lock up your display case so you can finish your tea and git to bed. We’ll talk more t’morrow. Deal?”

“Deal.”

She set her cup of tea down on her coffee table and got up from the couch before going towards the back of the apartment towards her bedroom. I went over to Bella’s display case and took a closer look at all of the artifacts. Every single item in the case was from the Confederacy; not one single Union item in sight. I would have to ask her about it tomorrow. I shut the doors to the display, and locked it up.

A few minutes later, Bella came out wearing a worn pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Even in its simplicity, she looked beautiful.

“I should git goin’, I still have something I need to take care of,” I said, handing her her cup of tea.

She took the cup and smiled. “Thank you for walking me home tonight Jasper,” she said while walking towards the door. When she got to the door, she opened it up and smiled at me, “I really do appreciate it.”

“It was my pleasure Darlin’,” I said. I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good hunt,” she said before closing the door. I heard her squeal and felt her joy right after the door clicked closed. I smiled to myself before taking off down the stairs and into the night.